Donny Gives Us The Pipe

“I am, to a large extent, an environmentalist, I believe in it, but it’s out of control…”

It really is out of control. If it’s not having chemicals dumped into it somewhere, or getting dried up and desolate, or raging and trying to kill us off with weather,  the environment is drunk texting me pictures of its dick at 3:00 a.m. And in general the environment’s dicks are weird. Have you even seen echidna dicks? Four heads.

But that’s not what the President was talking about.

…and we’re going to make it a very short process. And we’re going to either give you your permits, or we’re not going to give you your permits. But you’re going to know very quickly. And generally speaking, we’re going to be giving you your permits.”
– President Trump

The call to the trough.

I suppose we could take the optimist view and say that the Keystone XL will bring back some of those jobs the President campaigned on but the reality of real, permanent jobs is grim. And I suppose you could get upset about the impact on the environment but at best that impact will be no worse than it is anyway. The spice must flow after all.

It looks bleak if you lived in a town where the drinking water has been polluted or the wells have run dry. It certainly looks bleak if you stood in the cold Dakota air while being sprayed with a fire hose.  And if you make a living from the boom of renewable energy ushered in by the previous administration, you’re probably feeling the same dread  the battered rust belt automatons disenfranchised by NAFTA that elected the President have felt since Bush 2: Electric Boogaloo.

And you have to have sympathy for the beleaguered middle American worker, as well as those besieged by corporate interests in polluting their homes. The President’s executive orders on pipelines are merely a signal. A subtle wink and nod to his friends in corporate America that things like environmental regulations shouldn’t get in the way of their dreams of profit. A knowing, orange tinted smile to reassure them that the long night of federal oversight and public concern is finally giving way to dawn.

Where green energy is quickly outpacing traditional energy sources and the majority of Americans concerned about the effect of man-made climate change, it’s hard to see this as anything more than a thinly veiled handout to the President’s billionaire class cronies. One that leaves us sitting in a poisoned wasteland, beholden to the very interests that destroyed it. We’re about to get fucked by corporate America’s hydra-like echidna dick.

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