If there’s one thing I know about white people…

…It’s that white people love robes.

That’s why Sean Spicer’s recent claim that the president doesn’t even own a bathrobe is so crazy. Not only does Spicer know nothing about people of color, he doesn’t even seem to know anything about his own people. I’m sure if we were to look in Spicer’s closet, we would find a bathrobe.

That’s why this whole ridiculous web of lies being pushed on us by the White House is so hard to take. Maybe I got hit in the head by a half-frozen possum that was ejected from the back of a speeding animal control truck and believe that Burnt Orange Don is actually reading his memos before just signing them and going back to his plate of pizza rolls and Fox News. Or maybe I took a handful of pills from a homeless woman’s purse and I can no longer do math but I believe that judges who rule against the wishes of the White House are somehow not really judges. But you will not tell me that a white guy doesn’t own a robe.

If there’s one thing you can say about ol’ Donny, he’s the CEO of white guys. If you were to scrub that orange shellac off his skin with a power washer you would find the tender pink flesh of the whitest of white men. And you can be damn sure that motherfucker owns a robe.

Get the fuck out of here.

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