Make Obama Stop Messing Up My Wonderful Life

Me, Donald J. Trump, who is GREAT

Donald Trump here, taking a moment out of one of my SUPER BUSY DAYS WHERE I MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. PRISM is a wonderful program and let me tell you it was so easy to get the login information for your sorry site so I could piss in the eye of liberal cucks!!

You lost, numbnuts!! I’m the MOST POPULAR president ever, and believe me, I’m just getting started. I’m going to deport everyone who doesn’t like me to Antarctica. All the judges and ACLU and NAACP types  will freeze and starve like morons. How’s that for job creation? There will be so many job openings people will be like “Wow, I don’t know if I should work for the Pentagon or Wall Street or become a real estate developer!!” Then my approval rating will soar to 300% and I’ll be the most popular leader in the history of the world!!

And with all the FAKE NEWS journalists turned into popsicles, the American people will finally hear the truth about how only I have the cojones to make plans to build a laser death cannon on the moon to put the FEAR OF TRUMP in all the BAD HOMBRES!!

Then me and my pal Strongman Putin will tagteam China and Iran, and just like the WWE match I watched the other day THE GOOD GUYS WILL WIN!! If the Limeys play nice and let me into their country I’ll let them have the leftovers, and they’ll say “Thank you Donald, we never should have doubted you. Can we be the 51st state?” And I’ll tell them I’ll think about it and make them beg on their hands and knees because THAT’S THE ART OF THE DEAL!!

Why am I telling you all this? Because no one reads the news, and even more don’t read whatever this Lizard bullshit is supposed to be. If anyone asks me I’ll say you made it all up. PUT THAT IN YOUR WEED BONG and smoke it!!

As long as I’m here, can you pass along a message to your secret resistance leader Barak Obama? Tell him to stop messing up my wonderful life!! I don’t know if it’s witchcraft or a conspiracy but the man will not LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Just the other day I stubbed my toe and I knew Obama was behind it, like he’s been behind all the bad media reports and my Irritiable Bowl Syndrome!! Then I read on REAL NEWS SITE BREITBART that he’s been wiretapping me to try and make me look bad. NICE TRY ASSHOLE, but I’m king now and there’s nothing you can do about it!!

Anyway, I’ve got to go talk to Bannon about what we’re going to do about this SAD term limits problem. HOPE YOU LIKE THE NORTH POLE, LOSERS!!

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