Hey Mitch, Turn That CBO Frown Upside Down

ROTLP is pleased to announce the formation of its own political PR company.

Risen Lizard is a joint venture with several unnamed former Clinton lobbyists who now schlep for the Trump agenda. To show Washington movers and shakers the kind of spin Risen Lizard can offer, we’re giving this one-time-only freebie to Mitch McConnell. Poor Mitch has something of a revolt on his hands over the Senate health care bill – here are some talking points that will turn things around in no time.

    • 22 million people won’t be deprived of their insurance, they’ll finally be freed from Big Government interference with the continued beating of their hearts.
    • The health care vote wasn’t postponed until after the 4th of July because GOP senators are rebelling. It was gently relocated to give Republicans more time to spend with their families, loving America.
    • The president misspoke when he called the bill “mean”. He meant to say “A welcome salve on the wound Obamacare has inflicted on the American people.” Yeah, that sounds more like him.
    • Drafting the Senate healthcare reform bill wasn’t done in secret because there was something to hide! The Republicans want everyone to know they’ve always hated the Medicaid expansion. Being of firm convictions, they’re willing to stand by their ideals, even when they’re unpopular. If you disagree with these men and women of principle, you’re welcome to vote for someone else come Election Day.

Are you on the wrong side of history, but you need someone to spin history ’round and ’round until it’s too dizzy to discern which side is which? Risen Lizard can do all that and more! Send an email to riseofthelizardpeople@protonmail.com to request our services. Please keep in mind that at this time we only accept payment through Swiss bank accounts and Diners Club cards.

(Year Zero/Day One Hundred and Fifty-Nine)

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