North Korea has an ICBM capable of hitting anywhere in the United States, but at least the Senate is close to passing tax reform.
Donald Trump is losing what little of his mind he had left, but the mega-rich will feel like kids on Christmas once the mad king signs the bill.
The world is burning and the fire brigade is passed out drunk, but the global elite can afford to privately fund their own fire department.
Q: How many days into Trump’s term in office did it take for Democrats to introduce articles of impeachment?
A: Three hundred, not that it has a snowball’s chance of doing anything other than stalling in the House. It’s the thought that counts, I guess? Except the next thought must invariably be President Mike Pence?
(Year Zero/Day Three Hundred)
According to the latest reports sourcing purely objective political actors with no ulterior motives, tax reform will be passing the House this week. That’s right: tax reform will be passing the House next week, and the Senate will follow suit by early December.
While the GOP’s original September deadline for producing a bill the president could sign elapsed with nothing to show for it, congressional Republicans now understand the mistake they made was thinking the House would pass a bill other, previous weeks that are not three weeks from now.
The stars are now in alignment. As long as Donald Trump doesn’t expose himself to a minor, or trigger the nuclear holocaust, or attempt to reinstitute slavery, or fire Robert Mueller, or punch a grieving war widow, or mistakenly tell the press he’s now a communist, tax reform is defunitedly happening by the first of June.
(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Eight)
How surprised are we supposed to be that Roy Moore, the GOP senatorial candidate from Alabama who fully embraced the Trumpian worldview, abused teenage girls?
Or that one of his defenders used a biblical analogy to handwave away what Moore did?
“Take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus,” Alabama State Auditor Jim Ziegler told The Washington Examiner. “There’s just nothing immoral or illegal here. Maybe just a little bit unusual.”
Somewhere around a five.
What about Sean Hannity’s declaration that Moore’s relationships with the teens was “consensual”?
HANNITY: How do you possibly tell, know the truth, except — okay, so, the two other girls were older in this case. He was apparently, like, 32, and he dated — one girl was 18, one girl was 17, they never said he did — there was no sexual — there was kissing involved, and then they’re saying this one encounter with a 14 year old —
CO-HOST LYNDA MCLAUGHLIN: And it was consensual —
HANNITY: And consensual, that’s true. And there’s, you know — I just — I don’t know how you find out the truth.
Hmm. Maybe an 8?
And finally, how surprising is it that anyone seriously expects Moore to step aside when denying the problem worked so well for the president last year?
Oh, definitely a 10.
(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Four)
It might have been better if Alt-Right Rasputin had remained in the White House, rendered politically impotent, but politics rarely delivers a satisfactory ending. No, ol’ Steve is busy wearing too many shirts, doing his best to avoid red meat and
now flies only by private plane — and has his own small security team that surrounds him 24 hours a day.
No word on whether Bannon’s new dietary restictions interfere with ritualistically consuming the raw flesh of an infant, which he must do quarterly to appease his dark masters. Did Politico even ask?