Posts by Zzyzx

I am a normative human being with standard coloration option #5 and chromosome-assigned sexual features.

How Does One Celebrate The Fourth During These Trying Times?

It’s a dismal time to be an American. Following revelations all but the most casual observers are painfully aware of, our national morale has plummeted to a historic low. A new Gallup poll shows only 47% of us are “extremely proud” to be an American. Giving people the option of saying they’re “extremely proud” is patently ridiculous – Gallup might as well have asked Americans if they “super into” pizza or think having sex is “the best”, but a record low is a record low.

This presents something of a conundrum regarding the appropriate way to celebrate the Fourth of July. Unlike Loyalty Day, we can’t tell you what to do and say or how to feel (loyal). It’s a personal choice, like abortion or which crazy, made-up deity you’re super into. But we have three sensible suggestions to make your Fourth just, like, the best.

  1. Burn an American flag instead of waving it.
  2. Get some summer reading in! I recommend Legacy of Ashes: The History of the CIA by Tim Weiner. If you’d prefer something briefer, try The Declaration of Independence, a historical document that continues to bewilder some of the less civically literate among us.
  3. Drink until you can’t feel anything, thus avoiding the shame of being an American in 2018.

Have an acceptable day away from the crushing weight of wage slavery!

 

 

 

The Keyboard Is Not Mightier Than The Gun

My immediate, unvarnished reaction to news that a mass shooter has killed five journalists in the newsroom of the Capital Gazette in Annapolis, Maryland is that an authoritarian reactionary is responsible.

I want to be clear that I don’t know if this is true. It’s a gut feeling, and gut feelings are notoriously unreliable. What’s remarkable to me is it’s so easy to jump to this (perhaps erroneous) conclusion. We’re living under the rule of a would-be autocrat who has branded the media the ‘enemy of the American people’. On a nearly daily basis, he slanders media outlets that take a critical stance, sometimes assassinating the character of individual journalists who really get under his skin. And the fashies who cheer their dear leader’s maneuvers to obliterate a society that allows dissent go even further. Only two days ago, Milo Yiannopoulos encouraged vigilante squads to gun journalists down.

I could be wrong, and I hope I am. No matter the cause, it’s a needless waste of human lives. My thoughts are with the staff of the Capital Gazette, their friends and their families.

Travel Ban Gets SCOTUS Seal Of Approval, Fatherly Advice, And More

And the hits keep on coming. The Supreme Court has legally sanctioned the Trump administration’s modified travel ban (this would be the third version, written specifically so it had a strong likelihood of passing the conservative-dominated court). Tweaked verbiage aside, we know how the ban will work in practice. It’s there in the text and subtext of the original executive order, and in the intervening year and a half, our aspiring emperor has shown no respect for legal strictures that hinder him.

In other SCOTUS news: The Roberts Gang has reversed a decision requiring crisis pregnancy centers to disclose that they’re anti-abortion. Crisis pregnancy centers are notorious for pressuring women not to terminate unwanted pregnancies.

Tor Ekeland passes along advice from his father for seriously resisting fascism.

If you haven’t been outside the United States of late, you may not be aware we’re now referred to as a ‘rogue state’ with some regularity.

Remember when Trump’s meeting with Kim Jong Un ended with the president saying they’d made great progress and our military would stop doing war games in the Korean Peninsula? And remember how defense stocks fell and Democrats practically demanded we have a nuclear war with the Kim regime for some reason? And remember how Trump admired said regime’s YA dystopian novel levels of control over its populace? Actually, just remember all of it? It was a profoundly weird time, followed by absolutely nothing.

When investigators threatened his power, he declared himself dictator.

Nazi pederast Milo Yiannopoulos is encouraging vigilantes to assassinate journalists. In related news, 50% of Americans believe we’re in danger of becoming a nondemocratic, authoritarian country; most Americans’ wages have declined over the past year; machines can fire us now; gay Americans are arming themselves to stay alive; and suicide rates are climbing dramatically. Of course if journalists are hiding in fear for their lives, they won’t have time to report on all the bad news!

And now for something completely different:

The Process Of Undoing Due Process

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Article V of the United States Constitution

Do you believe in justice?

Rich liberals, rural Kentucky republicans, radical social justice warriors who believe that the constitution is unfit to provide true equity to the historically oppressed, libertarians, communists, constitutional originalists – all of us, together: Do you believe in justice?

Even if reality often falls short of the ideal, even if the government often operates like a boot to the throat, even if the carceral state is bloated and sanguinary, even if years of hard life experience scream “No, it’s not true, justice doesn’t exist in this country!” – do you think we still have to try to reach for it? That it’s a worthwhile and vital point on the compass, a True North, and if we’re lost in the woods either the compass is broken or we’re reading it wrong?

Even if you’re an existentialist, having come to the conclusion that all of human culture is a series of accidents resulting in what we have now, a ramshackle hut built on the detritus of what came before us: can you concede that justice is one of the better accidents to befall us?

The justice that has whipped me into a rhetorical frenzy isn’t the well-oiled operation of an unrelenting punishment machine, quarantining those found guilty in the Brutalist architecture of displine. This is the justice of Due Process: the right to fair treatment within the legal system that follows established rules, esteeming the right to a speedy trial, the presumption of innocence, and the state’s burden of proof.

On Sunday, the 45th president suggested that Due Process should be circumvented when dealing with so-called “illegal immigrants”. In his vision, there are no courts or judges, just a void that will be filled by nativist vigilanties. Never mind the fifth and fourteenth amendments of the constitution, or that Supreme Court case law has established that even those who enter the country without legal sanction have the right to Due Process. The undocumented are still considered legal persons, and to deprive them of that right depersonalizes them. If one is not a person, but part of an infestation, there is no need to afford them the consideration of their humanity. And what is it we do to vermin?

Justice must be for all if it’s to be for anyone. The system is far from impartial, but to do away with striving towards impartiality, or at least pretending to, jackhammers into the bedrock our imperfect society was built on. Or perhaps it only collapses some of the top-level detritus. However you prefer to think of it, one fact is not up for interpretation: if we allow the constitution to be ignored to persecute one group of people, an inhumane precedent will have been set. What’s to protect anyone else?

Meet Stephen Miller, The Literal Demon Who Feasts On Human Suffering

If you’re a longtime Rise of the Lizard People reader, you’ve memorized last year’s Ten Fun Facts about Stephen Miller, translated our article in Italian, staged a three-hour opera based on that article that casts Miller as a Scarpia-esque villain, and are currently enjoying limited success on a tour through Poland.

But for those of you who aren’t lamenting your over-extended ambition as you weep into your Żywiec in a dimly-lit public house, news about Steve’s role in shaping the execrable policy that separated asylum-seeking families and caged children may be your first introduction to Miller. While the policy in question has been done away with (for now [sort of {not really?}]), getting to know more about the president’s Senior Adviser behooves us all. Thanks to the renewed media focus on him, certain new facts have come to light.

Stephen Miller is a literal demon who feasts on human suffering. Miller welcomed the public outrage to the administration’s inhumane, immoral “zero-tolerance” policy. Not only that, but it sustains him.

White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller has all but become the face of the issue, a development that even supporters of Trump’s “zero-tolerance” position say is damaging the White House. “Stephen actually enjoys seeing those pictures at the border,” an outside White House adviser said. “He’s a twisted guy, the way he was raised and picked on. There’s always been a way he’s gone about this. He’s Waffen-SS.”

He’s an immigrant. Little is publicly known about his origins, but a reliable source informs us that the Miller clan first stepped hoof in our dimension 1,500 years ago during the Conjunction of the Spheres. Who knew someone with such a virulent dislike of outsiders wouldn’t originally be from “around here” himself?!

He needs to be stopped before he can strike again. While calling him a fascist at a Mexican restaurant may DESTROY him in the clickbatey headline sense, in every other sense he’ll be extremely alive. He is a predator by nature, and unless a brave soul steps in to slay him, he will continue to terrorize the countryside.

He can be slain with a silver sword. Simply possessing a silver sword will not be enough; only one who has been trained to fight monsters can reasonably be expected to take on – and dispatch – the beast.

You’ll need to send for a specialist. A Hexer from the School of the Wolf was recently spotted taking down a drowner in the swamplands outside the capital. For one hundred Nilfgaardian florens, this professional will gladly accept your contract and rid the world of the infernal menace.