Posts by Zzyzx

I am a normative human being with standard coloration option #5 and chromosome-assigned sexual features.

Paul Ryan And The Power Of Prayer

The saintly and muscular Paul Ryan is being publicly castigated for comments he made about the latest in a long line of double and triple digit gun massacres.

“It’s disappointing. It’s sad, and this is what you’ll get from the far secular left. People who do not have faith, don’t understand faith, I guess I’d have to say,” Ryan told Fox News’s Laura Ingraham on “The Ingraham Angle” when asked about the criticism.

“And it is the right thing to do, is to pray in moments like this because you know what? Prayer works.”

The vitriol directed at Speaker Ryan isn’t only meanspirited, it’s just plain wrong. Prayer works, whatever the secular left would like to think.

Allow me to explain.

After every mass shooting committed in the United States (so, every night), I offer this prayer to the almighty Jehovah:

God, hear my prayer. Please protect the second amendment from the camulnious demon Gun Control. Continue to ensure the CDC does not produce research on this devil, lest it corrupt innocent Americans beyond all saving.

Fill the hearts of Republican politicians with your benovolent light, so that they may continue to be steeled against the temptation to learn anything from Sandy Hook, Orlando and Las Vegas, or take any action that would prevent victims of mass shootings from being sent to heaven at the predestined time and place. Shield your righteous servant Wayne LaPierre from ironically being shot to death by a deranged, abusive white man. Please keep gun purchase loopholes open, red flags ignored, and NRA donations flowing.

Oh Father, hear my prayer and maintain America’s status quo. Amen.

Not even the most militant atheist can deny my prayer has been resoundingly answered.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Two)

Five Reasons To Feel Uneasy

#1

The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) says in its latest “Audit of Anti-Semitic Incidents” that the number of assaults, acts of vandalism and violence against Jewish institutions between Jan. 1 and Sept. 30 totaled 1,299, compared to 779 over the same time last year. The 1,299 figure surpasses the total for all of 2016, which stood at 1,266, the group said.

In case you’ve been trying furiously to scrub the disturbing details from your brain, one of the hateful slogans the army of frat boy Nazis at Charlottesville chanted was “Jews will not replace us!” Not that antisemitism is always so nakedly obvious.

#2

A New Jersey town has introduced hateful and highly discriminatory new rules aimed at barring Orthodox Jews from moving in, according to a stunning complaint filed by the state attorney general.

The nine-count complaint accuses Mahwah’s public officials and most vocal residents of using the same tactics employed by “1950s-era white flight suburbanites who sought to keep African-Americans from moving into their neighborhoods.”

Speaking of flight…

#3

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The NAACP issued a warning for African Americans who fly American Airlines Tuesday.

The group says they are noticing a pattern of disturbing incidents involving the removal of black passengers from flights, in addition to other troublesome conducts that are giving rise to this warning.

Is it too much to ask that black folks just be allowed to exist without encountering racism at every turn?

#4

[A]ccording to an analysis by FiveThirtyEight, the 2016 Crime in the United States report — the first released under President Trump’s administration — contains close to 70 percent fewer data tables1 than the 2015 version did, a removal that could affect analysts’ understanding of crime trends in the country. The removal comes after consecutive years in which violent crime rose nationally, and it limits access to high-quality crime data that could help inform solutions.

“To me it’s shocking that they made these decisions to publish that many fewer tables and they didn’t make the decision with the APB,” James Nolan, who worked at the UCR for five years and now teaches at West Virginia University, told FiveThirtyEight.

Nolan called the FBI’s removal of the tables for lack of web traffic, “somewhat illogical.” (A spokesman for the UCR program told FiveThirtyEight that in the last year, the UCR received 3,045,789 visitors.)

It’s a simple enough trick. If you’re going to make spurious claims about crimes committed by immigrants and refugees, it helps the cause of institutional nativism to control the flow of information.

#5

Asylum seekers who illegally crossed the U.S. border into Canada this year are obtaining refugee status at higher rates, new data shows, as authorities accept claims from people who say they feared being deported by U.S. President Donald Trump’s administration.

More than 15,000 people have crossed the U.S.-Canadian border illegally to claim refugee status in Canada this year. Many were in the United States legally and some interviewed by Reuters said they might have stayed were it not for an immigration crackdown.

This would seem like far-flung fabulism had it not been reported by Reuters. Will Canada have an American refugee crisis by 2018?

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Ninety-One)

The Revolution Starts Now (Well, Saturday)

Comrades:

Societal upheaval and glorious slaughter are nearly at hand. Lace up your combat boots, don your Antifa-brand black t-shirts, and select your finest identity-obscuring face mask: The Revolution starts this Saturday.

So what we’re gonna do, see, is we’re gonna kill every Trump voter, conservative and gun owner. Possibly with firearms. How will we know who voted for Donald Trump, you may ask? We’ll just know, and this psychic insight will allow us to successfully track down and eradicate 33% of the American population. Don’t ask how this is feasible, or why people who fundamentally oppose the tenants of fascism would enact a coordinated mass killing, or how small, autonomous bands of antifascists organized this without being shut down by the FBI —

“Just ’cause” should be enough. If you were dissatisfied with last November’s election results you know what I mean.

Are my radical supersoliders ready? Are you pumped? Great! We’ll start by beheading white parents and small business owners!

See you Saturday. If you’re going to bring snacks, make sure there’s enough to share and they’re gluten-free.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Seven)

In Which The President Undermines His Own Country’s Legal System

It’s one thing for a sitting president to acknowledge that American legal system is flawed, as Barack Obama did during his tenure in the White House. With that acknowledgement, there’s an expectation that the president and Congress make attempts to improve policing, the court system and prisons. Barack Obama’s actions to that end may have been a dint in the carceral state, but it was well within how most people would expect the man in charge to behave.

And then there’s this.

[Trump] added: “We need quick justice and we need strong justice — much quicker and much stronger than we have right now. Because what we have right now is a joke and it’s a laughingstock. And no wonder so much of this stuff takes place.”

Where was Jeff Sessions, Top Cop in all the land?

Attorney General Jeff Sessions, the head of the so-called ‘laughing stock’ justice system, was in the room for this comment — sitting across from Trump.

Reports are unclear as to whether steam shot comically out of the Keebler Klansman’s ears.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Six)