Daily Melange

I can’t stop thinking about Sean Spicer.

America’s newest patron saint of live-televised fuck-ups elevated his game to historic levels this week.

After incorrectly saying that Hitler did not use chemical weapons in WWII, President Trump’s thumb-headed mouth piece referred to a concentration camp as a “Holocaust center.”

I’ve wondered about the actual intelligence level of Spicer for some time now.

I get it.

Not everyone in the Trump Administration is stupid, but surely that doesn’t disqualify Spicer from being a few fries short of a happy meal.

This is a guy who’s used the height of two separate stacks of paper as a core talking point.

Remember his first interaction with the press?

It’s gotten to the point where one can easily argue that Spicer at the very least is grossly incompetent.

And I don’t want to hear about him being a diversion. Likening concentration camps to giant Nazi Targets with “Holocaust Center” in block letters emblazoned on the front of the building is so laughably absurd that I literally had to make sure I was not tripping acid before accepting what he said as reality.

Personally, I think Trump has kept Spicer around to appease GOP brass and not look weak by firing his administration’s senior media White House official.

There’s also the possibility that Spicey’s clung to the gig so long because his gaffes are distractive explosions across all platforms of media.

Remember when Neil Gorsuch was sworn in to the Supreme Court?

Will this outrage override the revelations regarding Paul Manafort?

Regardless, I think if you have to call Sheldon Adelson and try to apologize to the entire Jewish people, you are probably going to be fired.

My guess is Trump gives him the axe within the next week.

Heads are already rolling and you might as well cut ties and distance yourself from a guy who you already are concerned looks too much like Melissa McCarthy anyway.

I will miss those sketches though.

Then again, the spice must flow.


If there’s one thing I know about white people…

…It’s that white people love robes.

That’s why Sean Spicer’s recent claim that the president doesn’t even own a bathrobe is so crazy. Not only does Spicer know nothing about people of color, he doesn’t even seem to know anything about his own people. I’m sure if we were to look in Spicer’s closet, we would find a bathrobe.

That’s why this whole ridiculous web of lies being pushed on us by the White House is so hard to take. Maybe I got hit in the head by a half-frozen possum that was ejected from the back of a speeding animal control truck and believe that Burnt Orange Don is actually reading his memos before just signing them and going back to his plate of pizza rolls and Fox News. Or maybe I took a handful of pills from a homeless woman’s purse and I can no longer do math but I believe that judges who rule against the wishes of the White House are somehow not really judges. But you will not tell me that a white guy doesn’t own a robe.

If there’s one thing you can say about ol’ Donny, he’s the CEO of white guys. If you were to scrub that orange shellac off his skin with a power washer you would find the tender pink flesh of the whitest of white men. And you can be damn sure that motherfucker owns a robe.

Get the fuck out of here.