The Apex Of Political Criticism

The time has come to talk about Paul Ryan’s penis. Not because we want to, but because Steve Bannon does.

Bannon reportedly called House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) “a limp-dick motherfucker who was born in a petri dish at the Heritage Foundation,” referring to the think tank whose fiscal conservative policies the representative espouses.

Obviously Ryan is a lab experiment gone wrong, but what does his tumescence have to do with anything? Why can’t Paul Ryan be a degenerate creep who sees Ayn Rand’s face when he closes his eyes and still be able to maintain erections?

(Year Zero/Day One Hundred and Eighty)

Oh, They’re Getting Tired Of Nonsense, Are They?

You’re tired, I’m tired, everyone’s tired.

Even the gormless Republican party is getting tired of the Fuckup-in-Chief.

Trump revealed sensitive highly classified information to the Russian foreign minister and an ambassador in the Oval Office last week. Are we supposed to feel outrage? Moral indignation? We’ve sunk far beyond the point where such feelings are easily accessible. This is a political nihilism, inky black and corrosive to faith in our institutions.

“What will he do next?” we ask, no longer with a resigned amusement but an all-encompassing dread.

(Year Zero/Day One Hundred and Sixteen)

The lizards are restless…

Something is happening in Washington today that has the lizards shook.

And Claude Taylor is claiming that the warrants are being served at the Strategic Campaign Group.

Meanwhile the Associated Press is reporting that the Senate Intelligence Committee abruptly left their hearing to meet with Dep. Attorney General Rod Rosenstein.

Something has rustled the lizard’s nesting grounds, and the next few hours should prove to be interesting.

Daily Melange

I can’t stop thinking about Sean Spicer.

America’s newest patron saint of live-televised fuck-ups elevated his game to historic levels this week.

After incorrectly saying that Hitler did not use chemical weapons in WWII, President Trump’s thumb-headed mouth piece referred to a concentration camp as a “Holocaust center.”

I’ve wondered about the actual intelligence level of Spicer for some time now.

I get it.

Not everyone in the Trump Administration is stupid, but surely that doesn’t disqualify Spicer from being a few fries short of a happy meal.

This is a guy who’s used the height of two separate stacks of paper as a core talking point.

Remember his first interaction with the press?

It’s gotten to the point where one can easily argue that Spicer at the very least is grossly incompetent.

And I don’t want to hear about him being a diversion. Likening concentration camps to giant Nazi Targets with “Holocaust Center” in block letters emblazoned on the front of the building is so laughably absurd that I literally had to make sure I was not tripping acid before accepting what he said as reality.

Personally, I think Trump has kept Spicer around to appease GOP brass and not look weak by firing his administration’s senior media White House official.

There’s also the possibility that Spicey’s clung to the gig so long because his gaffes are distractive explosions across all platforms of media.

Remember when Neil Gorsuch was sworn in to the Supreme Court?

Will this outrage override the revelations regarding Paul Manafort?

Regardless, I think if you have to call Sheldon Adelson and try to apologize to the entire Jewish people, you are probably going to be fired.

My guess is Trump gives him the axe within the next week.

Heads are already rolling and you might as well cut ties and distance yourself from a guy who you already are concerned looks too much like Melissa McCarthy anyway.

I will miss those sketches though.

Then again, the spice must flow.


A Mounting Problem

When watching establishment Republicans forced to admit Donald Trump’s claim that Barack Obama wiretapped him was a fabrication, one gets the feeling that they really wish Mike Pence could be president already.

Donald’s claim, so prima facie ridiculous even Edward Snowden thought it was made up, unnecessarily wastes the political capital Republicans need to push through vital reforms like destroying the health care system and unburdening the rich from their taxes.Their positions, while reprehensible, are standard Republican fare, and goddamnit Trump is ruining their chances with his paranoid fantasies.

If Trump could just be ousted, replacing him with Pence would be a more than satisfactory solution for the establishmentarians. In their eyes, the crisis will have passed. But among the Trump faithful a “stab-in-the-back” narrative will immediately supplant their previous triumphal glory. He went to D.C. to drain the swamp, they’ll say, but instead his eviscerated corpse was found floating in it. Remember how concerned people were about what the frothing crowds of Trump fans would do if their candidate lost? How do you think the movement will react after they’ve tasted victory?

Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell are certainly aware of this dilemma. So they wait in the wings, hoping this crisis or that crisis will eventually ruin Trump, and gritting their teeth as each day the party goes a little more off course.

(Year Zero/Day Fifty-Six)