This Post Is Sponsored By

Do you feel like your job performance is always under scrutiny? Could your pinky finger do a better job of managing than your boss does? Then maybe it’s time for a career change. Try today for free. Monster works for you!

Has a series of unforced errors by your raging egomaniac of a leader plunged the organization into chaos?  Did the Dow plunge after the latest news reports about his obstruction of justice and possible collusion with a foreign government?’s team of resume experts will help you get hired by an employer who governs with a steady hand.

Wait, are you working at the White House? Oh, god. Get out. Get out now! If you become a member today, Monster will give you a new identity and move you to a safehouse for a one-time fee of $10,000. There’s no use showing anyone your resume. Don’t even show it to us, because we can’t polish that turd. We’ll wipe the slate clean of your poor life decisions.

(Year Zero/Day One Hundred and Nineteen)