Big Ideas, Bad Ideas

From the Department of Big, Bold Ideas: Imagine an impenetrable cyber security unit tasked with safeguarding democratic institutions against the threats of politically motivated hacking. Now envision this as a partnership between two countries with a vast trove of resources and the undeniable ability to influence events on the world stage. This would be a powerful alliance — were the suggested alliance not between the United States and Russia.

* * *

Has the new civil war started yet, or…? If there’s one hiccup in the not-so-secret hopes of the nattering nutcases of nationalism, it’s that the second civil war they’ve been gunning for since they first scored a tattered copy of The Turner Diaries stubbornly refuses to start on their timeline. No matter. Their thinking seems to be if they talk up the worldview that it’s already begun, or is about to begin, and pepper their formentations with ahistorical references to burning down the Bastille, their words will become bullet-riddled flesh. How did the French Revolution eventually pan out for the revolutionaries, anyway? My American public school education precludes me from knowing the answer to that question.

(Year Zero/One Hundred and Seventy-One)

The Way America Feels Right Now Can Only Be Expressed In Unmetererd Verse

How do we feel?
What a stupid question to ask
Is there a chance you’ve been living under a rock?

Like our breaks have just failed
and the steering wheel won’t turn
The walls lining the racetrack are coming up fast

If feelings were numbers
the numbers are frightened
42 for alarm
33 for unease
A crowd of 11 are cheering the chaos
They brought popcorn and bad beer
to watch the cars crash

The harsh grind of metal
and the breaking of glass
are a sweet lullaby
to the pricks in the stands

How do we feel?
Like we’re trapped in the wreckage
The engine’s engulfed in Halloween flames
Now our faces are bleeding
And our organs puréed
Are leg bones supposed to jut out at such a sharp angle?

No pit crew has rushed forward
So we guess we’ll just die here
If the smoke doesn’t kill us
The fire will soon

The mad crowd keeps cheering
as the world fades around us
The last words that we choke out
Are get bent, you daft fucks

(Year Zero/Day One Hundred and Sixty One)

A Game Of Chance

Recall, if you will, the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration. Not the crowds as small as his hands or the deranged “American Carnage” speech, but how many well-meaning people, many of them liberal, took to social media to admonish the opposition to “Respect the office of the presidency”, “If he fails, America fails” and “Give Trump a chance.”

It was the spark that set off our powder keg.

Most famously, comedian Dave Chappelle urged America to keep an open mind when he hosted the first Saturday Night Live following the election.

A lot has happened since Election Day. One wonders if Dave Chappelle still stands by what he said in those punch-drunk days of 2016.

Six months later, Chappelle is taking it back. During his set at the Robin Hood Gala in New York on Monday, he offered up an apology for those choice words during his monologue, according to NBC’s Willie Geist, who was in the audience. “I was the first guy on TV to say ‘Give Trump a chance,’” he told the crowd. “I f—ed up. Sorry.”

Whether or not he deserved it or not, Donald Trump was given the benefit of the doubt. As Chappell discovered, when you play a game of chance, the odds tend not to be in your favor.

(Year Zero/Day One Hundred and Seventeen)

Daily Melange

I can’t stop thinking about Sean Spicer.

America’s newest patron saint of live-televised fuck-ups elevated his game to historic levels this week.

After incorrectly saying that Hitler did not use chemical weapons in WWII, President Trump’s thumb-headed mouth piece referred to a concentration camp as a “Holocaust center.”

I’ve wondered about the actual intelligence level of Spicer for some time now.

I get it.

Not everyone in the Trump Administration is stupid, but surely that doesn’t disqualify Spicer from being a few fries short of a happy meal.

This is a guy who’s used the height of two separate stacks of paper as a core talking point.

Remember his first interaction with the press?

It’s gotten to the point where one can easily argue that Spicer at the very least is grossly incompetent.

And I don’t want to hear about him being a diversion. Likening concentration camps to giant Nazi Targets with “Holocaust Center” in block letters emblazoned on the front of the building is so laughably absurd that I literally had to make sure I was not tripping acid before accepting what he said as reality.

Personally, I think Trump has kept Spicer around to appease GOP brass and not look weak by firing his administration’s senior media White House official.

There’s also the possibility that Spicey’s clung to the gig so long because his gaffes are distractive explosions across all platforms of media.

Remember when Neil Gorsuch was sworn in to the Supreme Court?

Will this outrage override the revelations regarding Paul Manafort?

Regardless, I think if you have to call Sheldon Adelson and try to apologize to the entire Jewish people, you are probably going to be fired.

My guess is Trump gives him the axe within the next week.

Heads are already rolling and you might as well cut ties and distance yourself from a guy who you already are concerned looks too much like Melissa McCarthy anyway.

I will miss those sketches though.

Then again, the spice must flow.