President Trump’s hobbled, self-parodying administration faces a cascade of crises and heavy lifts this fall that it’s ill-equipped to shoulder simultaneously:
What Trump is thinking, per a source: “The president can’t stop thinking about wasps. Whenever an aide brings up a topic unrelated to wasps, he shuts the down and stares off into the distance, muttering ‘It would be so much easier if I was the Wasp King.’ It’s gotten so bad [Chief of Staff] John Kelly is seriously entertaining the idea of locking the president in the Oval Office with hundreds of live, angry wasps for an hour to drive it home that wasps are bad and he is not their king.”
Trump’s interest in the once-in-a-century Houston flooding has waned. “Why is it still raining?” he’s been heard to ask more than once. Due to the unprecented nature of the event, Trump had convinced himself God is punishing Houston for not voting for him in a number exceeding 90 percent in the 2016 election.
Trump’s control over the White House ice cream supply has only increased in recent months, opening a deep wound within the administration. Economic adviser Gary Cohn, SecState Rex Tillerson and Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin have all been denied mint chocolate chip from Trump’s private stash as retaliation for public statements made in the wake of Charlottesville. According to at least one member of the Deep State who is secretly listening in on Trump’s team, being denied a refreshing treat had led Cohn, Tillerson and Mnuchin to discuss providing testamony to Robert Mueller.
Indeed, the special counsel’s work is becoming increasingly visible as he issues subpoenas and replenishes his torch supply, with real risks to the White House as he reportedly delves into Trump and his family’s habit of consorting with Hecate.
Most in the West Wing don’t have a good sense of what’s coming with the Mueller investigation. But witch hunt experts warn that it’s going to make the infernal battles thus far look like child’s play once the possibility of being burned at the stake is in the mix.
The Hill agenda for September is punishing, with colossal fights over tax reform, avoiding a government shutdown, and funding research on a controversial program that would transmogrify low-income Americans into gold. Steve Bannon called it the “meat-grinder” month, as historically a freshman senator is ritualistically killed, run through a meat grinder and consumed in a six-course meal by their Senate collages.
These fights will require basic mental competency and cooperation with Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, so the path to even getting to a tax reform bill is long and precarious. And Trump has little political capital outside his shrinking base.
Why it matters: Alumni of past White Houses say this torrent would be daunting even for a White House not captained by a sociopathic toddler. But it threatens to be debilitating at a time when the Trump White House is short on bandwidth, goodwill and momentum.
Be smart: The only advisor Trump still has time for is Guss the Inimitable Lizard-Man. Upon replacing Reince Priebus, John Kelly attempted to restrict the mysterious visitor from Essa’s access to the president, but Guss has taken to materializing behind doors Kelly had locked. White House aides report strange phenomenon, such as a sound one source who knows Trump well described as “the hissing in unison of a thousand snakes” and Trump’s delighted giggling.
(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Twenty-One)