Trump’s Cascade Of Crises

President Trump’s hobbled, self-parodying administration faces a cascade of crises and heavy lifts this fall that it’s ill-equipped to shoulder simultaneously:

What Trump is thinking, per a source: “The president can’t stop thinking about wasps. Whenever an aide brings up a topic unrelated to wasps, he shuts the down and stares off into the distance, muttering ‘It would be so much easier if I was the Wasp King.’ It’s gotten so bad [Chief of Staff] John Kelly is seriously entertaining the idea of locking the president in the Oval Office with hundreds of live, angry wasps for an hour to drive it home that wasps are bad and he is not their king.”

Trump’s interest in the once-in-a-century Houston flooding has waned. “Why is it still raining?” he’s been heard to ask more than once. Due to the unprecented nature of the event, Trump had convinced himself God is punishing Houston for not voting for him in a number exceeding 90 percent in the 2016 election.

Other crises:

Trump’s control over the White House ice cream supply has only increased in recent months, opening  a deep wound within the administration. Economic adviser Gary Cohn, SecState Rex Tillerson and Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin have all been denied mint chocolate chip from Trump’s private stash as retaliation for public statements made in the wake of Charlottesville. According to at least one member of the Deep State who is secretly listening in on Trump’s team, being denied a refreshing treat had led Cohn, Tillerson and Mnuchin to discuss providing testamony to Robert Mueller.

Indeed, the special counsel’s work is becoming increasingly visible as he issues subpoenas and replenishes his torch supply, with real risks to the White House as he reportedly delves into Trump and his family’s habit of consorting with Hecate.

Most in the West Wing don’t have a good sense of what’s coming with the Mueller investigation. But witch hunt experts warn that it’s going to make the infernal battles thus far look like child’s play once the possibility of being burned at the stake is in the mix.

The Hill agenda for September is punishing, with colossal fights over tax reform, avoiding a government shutdown, and funding research on a controversial program that would transmogrify low-income Americans into gold. Steve Bannon called it the “meat-grinder” month, as historically a freshman senator is ritualistically killed, run through a meat grinder and consumed in a six-course meal by their Senate collages.

These fights will require basic mental competency and cooperation with Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, so the path to even getting to a tax reform bill is long and precarious. And Trump has little political capital outside his shrinking base.

Why it matters: Alumni of past White Houses say this torrent would be daunting even for a White House not captained by a sociopathic toddler. But it threatens to be debilitating at a time when the Trump White House is short on bandwidth, goodwill and momentum.

Be smart: The only advisor Trump still has time for is Guss the Inimitable Lizard-Man. Upon replacing Reince Priebus, John Kelly attempted to restrict the mysterious visitor from Essa’s access to the president, but Guss has taken to materializing behind doors Kelly had locked. White House aides report strange phenomenon, such as a sound one source who knows Trump well described as “the hissing in unison of a thousand snakes” and Trump’s delighted giggling.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Twenty-One)

Will One Distract From The Other?

Not only did the Hobbit Troll refuse to back down from his royal Twitter decree that trans folks will no longer be allowed to serve in the military, this afternoon he formalized the discrimination by signing a directive barring them from joining the armed forces forthwith. However,

[It] gives Defense Secretary Jim Mattis wide discretion in determining whether those already in the armed forces can continue to serve.

The criteria Mattis will use to determine a trans individual’s worth is unclear. What is clear: however one may feel about militarism, the exclusionary policy is a shocking blow to LGBTIQ rights in America. It’s a situation that requires a focused and immediate response from The Resistance.

Which is why almost immediately after the news broke, Trump pardoned that lifelike facsimile of a human being, Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

President Trump on Friday pardoned Joe Arpaio, the former Arizona sheriff whose aggressive efforts to hunt down and detain undocumented immigrants made him a national symbol of the divisive politics of immigration and earned him a criminal contempt conviction.

In a two-paragraph statement, the White House said that with Mr. Arpaio’s years of “admirable service to our nation, he is worthy candidate for a presidential pardon.”

The effect of the pardon is twofold. Opponents of Trump are forced to figure out where to pool their resources. Do they direct their outrage to the directive, the pardon or both? Will railing against one steal oxygen from the other? Will stridently objecting to the directive and the pardon mute their impact on both issues?

And of course, both actions are gift-wrapped presents for the president’s “deplorable” base. Since they’re the only ones who seem to want to keep that awful boor around, when they’re happy, he’s happy.

I’d Like To Talk About Roger Stone’s Latest Bizarre Comments But I’m Really Bothered By His Nixon Tattoo

Any time embodiment of villainy and Trump advisor/friend Roger Stone says something like

“Try to impeach him. Just try it. You will have a spasm of violence in this country, an insurrection like you’ve never seen.”

I feel like I should forcefully object to Stone’s practiced inflammatory remarks. I can – and have – made well-crafted arguments against that kind of rhetoric with ease. And yet? And yet. I have real difficulty getting past‏ the man’s tattoo of Richard Nixon. It blots out all other thoughts in my mind.

Not only does Roger Stone have a Nixon tattoo, it’s of Tricky Dick’s face and it’s on his back.

See? SEE?! Per Snopes, It’s the real deal. Stone claims “women love it”, which if true means Nixon’s disembodied head gets some women’s motors running. The next time you come across a news item Stone is featured in, good luck trying to think of anything else.

You’ll never guess what part of his body Roger had tattooed with The Donald’s face.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Eighteen)

What Happens If The Government Is Shut Down?

If the president follows through with his threats to force a government shutdown unless his wall of symbolic racism is funded by Congress, will anyone notice the difference? In the West Wing, there is little semblance of order. On the Hill, a party that dominates both houses of Congress has discovered the limitations of cobbling together a majority. Government agencies like the State Department are severely understaffed, leading to widespread low morale and sometimes deliberate inaction.

If the government shuts down, the FBI is exempt and the USPS will still drop coupons and bills into your mailbox. Isn’t that about all the stability the American people can depend on these days anyway?

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Seventeen)