The Next President Of The United States

Mike Pence was born this way (as a rat, that is):

During one rowdy bash, the brothers found out a dean was coming to the house and tried to hide evidence of their illicit activities, according to the article.

The future vice president greeted the dean at the door and proceeded to direct him straight to the kegs, telling the official they belonged to Phi Gamma Delta, his former brother said.

This was a major departure from the fraternity’s usual practice: Whoever answered the door took the blame for the booze so the whole house wasn’t formally disciplined, according to Murphy. But after Pence allegedly snitched, the entire fraternity was handed a harsh punishment.

Pence’s brothers were furious with him, but he maintained a good relationship with the administration. In fact, he was so beloved by school officials that Hanover offered him a job after he graduated, according to The Atlantic.

Sadly, Pence’s snitching did not result in an immediate need for stitches.

A Mounting Problem

When watching establishment Republicans forced to admit Donald Trump’s claim that Barack Obama wiretapped him was a fabrication, one gets the feeling that they really wish Mike Pence could be president already.

Donald’s claim, so prima facie ridiculous even Edward Snowden thought it was made up, unnecessarily wastes the political capital Republicans need to push through vital reforms like destroying the health care system and unburdening the rich from their taxes.Their positions, while reprehensible, are standard Republican fare, and goddamnit Trump is ruining their chances with his paranoid fantasies.

If Trump could just be ousted, replacing him with Pence would be a more than satisfactory solution for the establishmentarians. In their eyes, the crisis will have passed. But among the Trump faithful a “stab-in-the-back” narrative will immediately supplant their previous triumphal glory. He went to D.C. to drain the swamp, they’ll say, but instead his eviscerated corpse was found floating in it. Remember how concerned people were about what the frothing crowds of Trump fans would do if their candidate lost? How do you think the movement will react after they’ve tasted victory?

Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell are certainly aware of this dilemma. So they wait in the wings, hoping this crisis or that crisis will eventually ruin Trump, and gritting their teeth as each day the party goes a little more off course.

(Year Zero/Day Fifty-Six)