Travel Ban Gets SCOTUS Seal Of Approval, Fatherly Advice, And More

And the hits keep on coming. The Supreme Court has legally sanctioned the Trump administration’s modified travel ban (this would be the third version, written specifically so it had a strong likelihood of passing the conservative-dominated court). Tweaked verbiage aside, we know how the ban will work in practice. It’s there in the text and subtext of the original executive order, and in the intervening year and a half, our aspiring emperor has shown no respect for legal strictures that hinder him.

In other SCOTUS news: The Roberts Gang has reversed a decision requiring crisis pregnancy centers to disclose that they’re anti-abortion. Crisis pregnancy centers are notorious for pressuring women not to terminate unwanted pregnancies.

Tor Ekeland passes along advice from his father for seriously resisting fascism.

If you haven’t been outside the United States of late, you may not be aware we’re now referred to as a ‘rogue state’ with some regularity.

Remember when Trump’s meeting with Kim Jong Un ended with the president saying they’d made great progress and our military would stop doing war games in the Korean Peninsula? And remember how defense stocks fell and Democrats practically demanded we have a nuclear war with the Kim regime for some reason? And remember how Trump admired said regime’s YA dystopian novel levels of control over its populace? Actually, just remember all of it? It was a profoundly weird time, followed by absolutely nothing.

When investigators threatened his power, he declared himself dictator.

Nazi pederast Milo Yiannopoulos is encouraging vigilantes to assassinate journalists. In related news, 50% of Americans believe we’re in danger of becoming a nondemocratic, authoritarian country; most Americans’ wages have declined over the past year; machines can fire us now; gay Americans are arming themselves to stay alive; and suicide rates are climbing dramatically. Of course if journalists are hiding in fear for their lives, they won’t have time to report on all the bad news!

And now for something completely different:

Yes, But

North Korea has an ICBM capable of hitting anywhere in the United States, but at least the Senate is close to passing tax reform.

Donald Trump is losing what little of his mind he had left, but the mega-rich will feel like kids on Christmas once the mad king signs the bill.

The world is burning and the fire brigade is passed out drunk, but the global elite can afford to privately fund their own fire department.

 

Look On The Bright Side

It’s tempting to see doom and gloom in the events unfolding around us, but perhaps we’re looking at things the wrong way.

I recently interviewed a rich, straight white male Trump voter for a different perspective on the state of the union. Unfortunately, he was adamant the conversation be “off the record” for fear of “class warfare” and “being guillotined by an impromptu mob of angry peasants” who would then “use [his] intestines to make belts”. He did however assent to allowing me summarize the general thrust of his convictions.

Things are going better than you think

Don’t get fooled by the three-ring circus FAKE NEWS spoon-feeds you. Things are actually going really well. ICE is rounding up people I’ve never met but nonetheless don’t like in record numbers, the police are protecting my property, the stock market is doing me a solid, and the swamp is being drained of scum. From where I’m standing, everything is going extremely well.

Puerto Rico is recovering

One month after the disaster, only a third of Puerto Ricans lack potable drinking water. How great is that? They’re well on their way to recovery… so long as they don’t do anything unpatriotic that forces the president to withdraw FEMA support early.

A new world war would actually lessen income inequality

A lot of people live in fear of a military conflict with North Korea, a move that could trigger another world war. And yet a lot of these same people claim to care about income inequality. Typical liberal hypocrisy. In “Capital in the Twenty-First Century”, economist Thomas Piketty noted that income inequality was reduced following both the first and second world wars, probably because there were less competition in the job market. These little Lenins should be begging The Donald to give the Rocket Man fire and fury!

Tax cuts!

Do I really have to explain this one? The tax cuts I’ve been personally promised will help my bottom line. I’ll remove that extra money from circulation by placing it in shell companies in foreign countries or locking it up in banks with extremely favorable interest rates. Eventually some it might return into circulation when I purchase certain luxury items or in the form of tips to restaurant workers and escorts. It’s simple trickle-down economics!

The traitors are being rooted out

Grieving families of fallen soldiers? Traitors. Republican politicians who aren’t completely loyal to the greatest president who ever lived? Traitors. Anyone who still has “the feels” because KILLary lost? Most definitely traitors. Trump’s playing incredible 12-dimensional chess so he can figure out who to line up against the wall and shoot when the time comes.

Wow. Rise of the Lizard People is willing to admit we have a strong bias against optimism in these trying times. We know we’re lucky to live in America, where freedom is handed out like cotton candy on Free Cotton Candy Day. But every day is Free Cotton Candy Day in this great nation of ours! Consider our eyes open and our hearts ready to accept the warm orange radiance of the Supreme Dealmaker.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Four)

“Tough Enough”

So what is “tough enough”? I pose the question because Cheeto Mussolini’s rhetoric is already menacing to the continued existence of countless people in North America and Asia, and though Tillerson, et al. scrambled to do damage control in the aftermath of his “fire and fury” broadside, the president just dumped another can of kerosine on the situation.

What kooky John Wayne bullshit meets the standard of commensurate toughness? “Hey Kim Jong Un, you wanna start something? Let’s go right now! My nuking of your little kingdom will be the greatest nuclear holocaust of all time! I’ll laugh as North Korea’s children are vaporized into shadows!”

Dear Leader Slim Pickens, ladies and gentlemen.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Three)

Are You Scared Of Nuclear War With North Korea? You Shouldn’t Be.

Even North Korea hawks are on edge these days as tensions rise to operatic levels. DJT’s latest effort at velvet glove diplomacy ended in something like this:

Referring to North Korea’s volatile leader, Kim Jong-un, Mr. Trump said, “he has been very threatening beyond a normal state, and as I said, they will be met with fire and fury, and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen before.”

Okay, so it ended exactly like that. We always knew Baby Boomers were going to go out kicking and screaming, we just didn’t know they were going to take the rest of us out with them. We are, it seems, careening towards a dangerous confrontation between a bloodthirsty lunatic and whatever you want to call Kim Jong Un.

Have you ever seen Miracle Mile? It’s an older movie, but its central theme is still relevant. When the bombs come, there’s little anyone can do to prevent their destruction.

But here’s the silver lining, a point of view that the scaremongers have largely ignored. Yes, North Korea’s ICBM’s are now capable of reaching Alaska. But it’s Alaska, which is a barely a state and full of criminals, cops who can’t get any shut-eye, ol’ Timey prospectors, vampires and Sarah Palin.

And sure, now North Korea’s regime is threatening to take out Guam, but to be honest, a plurality of Americans don’t even know Guam is a thing. It’s an unincorporated blip on the national consciousness.

This kind of news could fill your heart with terror, if you let it. It’s been a couple decades since we’ve really been collectively afraid of being blasted to smithereens, so maybe we’re due. And while some of us, like ROTLP’s own ThePiedSpicer, are fleeing to their leftist militarized bunkers, I see no benefit in hiding from our fate.

Say you’re lucky(?) enough to live in an area spared from the nuclear holocaust and its deleterious effects. What then? Most likely a World War I-style calling in of international alliances followed by a brutal, pointless bloodbath.

No thanks.

Bring on that sweet atomic death, I say. And while we’re waiting, crack open a cold one, go see a movie, have a frantic orgy — whatever it is your heart desires. We’ve all got to die sometime, so we might as well go out on a high note.