You’d Better Believe Tax Reform Is Happening

According to the latest reports sourcing purely objective political actors with no ulterior motives, tax reform will be passing the House this week. That’s right: tax reform will be passing the House next week, and the Senate will follow suit by early December.

While the GOP’s original September deadline for producing a bill the president could sign elapsed with nothing to show for it, congressional Republicans now understand the mistake they made was thinking the House would pass a bill other, previous weeks that are not three weeks from now.

The stars are now in alignment. As long as Donald Trump doesn’t expose himself to a minor, or trigger the nuclear holocaust, or attempt to reinstitute slavery, or fire Robert Mueller, or punch a grieving war widow, or mistakenly tell the press he’s now a communist, tax reform is defunitedly happening by the first of June.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Eight)

The Boys Are Back In Town

Did you hear? The boys — mostly, this being Congress — are back in town!  They’re well-rested and ready to get in pointless fights with the president, attempt to pass toxic legislation and fail to run a government they have near-total control over.

First up on the agenda, tax ref– DACA! Trump intends to stick it to the Dreamers and has given Congress exactly 6 months to sort it all out. But Congress isn’t inept; they can juggle multiple balls at once. So the DACA ball is in the air, next comes tax ref– Hurricane Harvey relief! Houston is one big puddle right now. 60 people are confirmed dead, and many more have lost everything. Responding to this disaster can’t wait.

So DACA, then Harvey relief, then tax refo– oh, what is it now?! Kim Jong Un detonated a hydrogen bomb underground, and the Trump administration continues its ill-advised game of feeding the troll? This calls for some sober-minded adults in the room.

But after DACA, hurricane relief and averting a nuclear holocaust, they’ll be able to give their undivided attention to… to… tax reform. Presuming nothing else major happens in the month of September. Congressional Republicans desperately need something to brag about to their constituents. If they can’t pass something in the next month, the electoral politics of 2018 ensures nothing substantial will be done for another year and some change.

It’s a good thing for the GOP the American tax code isn’t, you know, complicated.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Nine)