You’d Better Believe Tax Reform Is Happening

According to the latest reports sourcing purely objective political actors with no ulterior motives, tax reform will be passing the House this week. That’s right: tax reform will be passing the House next week, and the Senate will follow suit by early December.

While the GOP’s original September deadline for producing a bill the president could sign elapsed with nothing to show for it, congressional Republicans now understand the mistake they made was thinking the House would pass a bill other, previous weeks that are not three weeks from now.

The stars are now in alignment. As long as Donald Trump doesn’t expose himself to a minor, or trigger the nuclear holocaust, or attempt to reinstitute slavery, or fire Robert Mueller, or punch a grieving war widow, or mistakenly tell the press he’s now a communist, tax reform is defunitedly happening by the first of June.

(Year Zero/Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Eight)